as many of you know, i’m in the process of turning my story of cancer survival into a graphic novel. i think the visual medium will give a great visceral feel to the story – i can tell you that i have a bulb that drains fluid out of my groin, but a drawing of it really drives the impact of the image home. my friend suerte has volunteered as my artist – he’s an incredibly talented painter and tattoo artist, not to mention the author of a graphic memoir. check out his impressive gallery here. if anyone in the new york area wants a tattoo, get in touch with suerte.
as part of the planning process, i’m consolidating groinstrong into a single, bound document – it’ll end up being hundreds of pages by the time i’m done. in reading through my entries from my very first surgery in may 2008, i was struck by my boundless optimism and manic enthusiasm. i’d forgotten that i used to post a half-dozen times a day! the last couple years have worn me down a bit – only understandable, i think. it’s been a long haul. but i’m so glad to have the record of my experience. i’ve never been a very effective journaler, and there’s something powerful about being able to reach into your past and see what’s there. in one entry i complained about having to wait two hours at the doctor – my, how that’s changed. i thought that my time roughing it through africa had taught me patience, but i have achieved a whole new level of understanding. the world does not bend, no matter the frantic tugging. i have my crosswords, and my comic books, and when the world is ready for me, then it will be my turn. what a waste of energy to fight the natural way of things.
hey friends – thanks for all the birthday wishes! this surgery took more out of me than i expected, and i’ve spent the last couple days sleeping it off. it’s so nice that i’m able to get some rest when i need it.
maybe i should take a walk to wake up. i wish i could walk like this:
i wish i was out hiking somewhere, but i’m pretty exhausted after the surgery. moving veerrrrrry slooowly today. i did make it all the way to the library on the corner – but now i can’t stay awake to read! oh well. i think it’s going to be a low-key day. i have an appointment for monday august 2nd – hopefully we’ll have the biopsy results by then.
30 used to be scary, you know? but this potentially terminal illness dramatically transformed my sense of age and time. now i’m just happy to be alive. bring on another year!
well, i managed to get some sleep last night – remarkable considering the discomfort. i have four small incisions across my belly, which cause a not-insignificant level of pain. and the swelling from being pumped full of gas to give the surgeon room to work continues to bring me significant discomfort. but i’ve had worse, much worse.
my sister hannah is nannying this summer for a marvelous family – janet and grant and their children evan and kate. janet and grant were incredibly generous in helping me fundraise for colorado – and i’ve never even met them. thanks again guys!
the wacker family just went to the rodeo in north dakota and convinced one of the cowgirls to go pink! check out the shots. i haven’t posted bracelet pictures in a while, but these are such a great amusement to take my mind off of the pain. well, that and percocet.
I am in a ton of pain but a wonderful, generous, kind friend is picking us up and us home. It’ll be nice to be back in our room and out of the cold, sterile hospital – though I’ve heard the heat index is at 105 degrees today, so actually the cold has been nice. Still, I am overjoyed to avoid a full weekend here!
I’ll be pretty laid up for a while if this pain persists, so if anyone wants to come over for a visit tomorrow or Monday just give me a ring. I think it might be time to hook up the projector!
Hey folks! Sorry about the delay in posting – the surgery took much longer than expected and by the time I got out, my phone was dead. But now I can finally tell you what has happened.
After waiting over four hours to get into the OR, they finally put me under and cut me open…
And they quickly discovered a half dozen lesions similar to the initial known site. I was just coming out of aenesthetic when my surgeon explained where exactly they were, so I don’t remember exactly – but they’re in a section of my intestine.
But here’s the crazy part: none of them tested positive for melanoma!! I’ll have to wait another week for the full pathology to make sure, but the mid-operation biopsies didn’t find any cancer.
We had established early on that if they opened me up and found multiple sites, then they would leave it all and we would turn to systemic treatment like chemotherapy. But what about multiple non-cancerous sites?
Now, if you’ll remember, we found the first lesion via the camera pill – which means we weren’t able to biopsy it – which means it could be benign as well – which would mean there’s a good chance I AM STILL CANCER-FREE!!!
What?!? I know, right?!? I’m trying not to get too excited, because we still have to wait for the full pathology report.
But regardless of the final outcome, because they only made surface incisions, I get to go home tomorrow!!! How freakin awesome is that?!? I am in a very very small room and it would have been an awfully long weekend in here.
Thank you again for all the wonderful messages of love and prayers and atheist thoughs of support (devon )! I’ll let you all know when I’m home safely.
2:15 and we’re still waiting for surgery. I am SO hungry, and thirsty, and I have a dehydration headache. Also, I forgot that hospitals are full of pain and people crying and looking scared. I hate it here already.
i leave for the hospital in a couple hours. it’s been well over a year since i was stuck in a hospital for multiple nights. it’s not very fun. but i’m stocked up on movies, and comic books, and episodes of the muppet show, and lots of new music.
the past few surgeries have been so predictable – i know what it’s like when they pull a skin-level tumor out of me. but this whole internal surgery thing is a bit more complicated. after getting so adjusted to the same surgery over and over again, it feels strange to have a twinge of fear involved – fear of the unknown, fear of the coming pain, fear of who knows what kind of issues. i’m planning on working tuesday night… yeah, we’ll see how that goes.
i am so hungry! these afternoon surgeries make for a long day – i haven’t been able to eat since wednesday night and i had to stop drinking at midnight last night. i’m trying to avoid the kitchen… the refrigerator is calling to me.
my surgery is scheduled for noon so i should be awake by the late afternoon. if you’d like to visit me this weekend, please email me or kathryn or give me a call.
thanks for all the messages of love and support. you guys are great!
the PET/CT still shows nothing, so we’re moving forward with surgery. today i get to drink a gallon of laxative! mmmmm. second bowel prep in just over a month. i’m too young for this.
i spent the morning at the hospital, getting everything prepped for the surgery on friday – except my bowels; that happens tomorrow.
it takes so long to review my medical history now! all the surgeries, the different treatments. it was almost an hour just to get through the history.
i’ll find out the results of the PET/CT scan shortly – if they’re clear, we’ll move forward. and i’ll email you all details so you know when/where to come visit my lonesome self in the hospital.
)! I’ll let you all know when I’m home safely.