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ACCUTANE FOR SALE, this past sunday marked seven years since i arrived in brooklyn. a love supreme was playing as my dad and i drove over the george washington bridge. Purchase ACCUTANE online, the empire state building was lit green for st. patrick's day. i was already missing minnesota and the comforts of home, taking ACCUTANE, and i was broken-hearted after an amicable and expected but nonetheless sad breakup. i wept and listened to sufjan stevens' chicago:

i drove to new york
in the van, with my friend
we slept in parking lots
i don't mind, i don't mind

i was in love with the place
in my mind, in my mind
i made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

march, contrary to poetic postulations, is truly the cruelest month, with biting wind rustling budding trees and wintry santorum spitting on pale sad-eyed bundles that once were happy people; even in march, when i miss california tremendously, the most, when the blooming tropical trees and the eucalyptus and bay leaves call to me: i'm still glad to be here, ACCUTANE FOR SALE. Purchase ACCUTANE online no prescription, a year into my time here, i was living the dream. i moved to new york hoping to work at the intersection of music, after ACCUTANE, health care and african development - emphasis on hoping, ACCUTANE long term, because let's face it, that's an awfully narrow field. and somehow within weeks i went for what i thought would be an informational interview at the red hot organization and was offered a part-time position on the spot, australia, uk, us, usa, working for a music label that produces compilations (amazing ones at that, Generic ACCUTANE, e.g.) to raise funds for AIDS support organizations worldwide. um, what, ACCUTANE from mexico. ACCUTANE FOR SALE, obviously i was meant to be here, at that particular moment to do that particular work. and on the side, Is ACCUTANE safe, i put in my time between the sticks.

i was a wealthy drunk. bartending at magnetic field, a small rock n roll bar, buy ACCUTANE from mexico, was lucrative. Online buying ACCUTANE hcl, a staff of one = no payouts. the pitcher full of dollar bills was my lifeblood. that, and scotch, ACCUTANE FOR SALE. but the true value of my time at magnetic field was the powerful and long-lasting connections to a deeply dedicated and supportive community, ACCUTANE for sale. new york can be a tough town, ACCUTANE cost, and though i moved here knowing a handful of friends, i can't imagine, i literally cannot imagine the course of my life without magnetic field and its denizens, ACCUTANE description. along with seriously close friends and a seriously damaged liver, Online buy ACCUTANE without a prescription, the bar brought kathryn into my life, which is (other than the gift of life, word to my moms & pops) is the greatest gift i've ever received, ACCUTANE schedule.

a year in, Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, and i was settled into my routine, working a couple days a week in my uber-fancy soho office, dining and drinking and sleeping my way around the city, no prescription ACCUTANE online. ACCUTANE FOR SALE, so it's march 17th, 2007. a few days previous, Fast shipping ACCUTANE, i'd written on my old and sadly neglected blog:

do we take care of the people in our lives. do we care of ourselves. do you feel like you've done all you can to create positive forces in your life and in the lives of others, online ACCUTANE without a prescription. well, ACCUTANE australia, uk, us, usa, i've tended not to over the past couple years and it's time for that to change.

let's imagine, hypothetically, that we met that day, ACCUTANE from canadian pharmacy, let's say we went out to brunch, ACCUTANE natural, and you looked into my tea leaves and cast your i-ching sticks and threw a mean tarot and you predicted my future.

if you'd sat me down six years ago and said, in a few short years you'll stop bartending and give up drinking, i would have laughed, ACCUTANE FOR SALE. i would have laughed heartily and ordered another bloody mary.

if you'd sat me down six years ago and said, discount ACCUTANE, in a few short years you'll be married to the woman of your dreams, ACCUTANE pharmacy, i would have been skeptical and amused.

if you'd sat me down six years ago, stared at the tarot cards in horror, cheap ACCUTANE, saw the black dog in my tea, Low dose ACCUTANE, looked up from casting your sticks with a heavy sigh and said:

prepare yourself, because soon
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round after round after round of toxic treatment
side effects may include but are by no means limited to
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also loss of life

you will lose count of the doctors and nurses and specialists for your braineyesshoulderhandsliverstomachkneefeet
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colonoscopies will be old hat
same for highly radioactive scans
same for swallowing pills
same for swallowing pills that are cameras

listen, soon you will find yourself at 28 years old
you will be 28 and you will have cancer
and it's serious, it's bad
it's in your lymph nodes (and you will learn what a lymph node is)
some people last weeks, ACCUTANE dangers, months if they're lucky
that the five-year survival rate for your diagnosis is eight percent

if you'd sat me down six years ago and said all this:

i would have been terrified. quite reasonably, Where can i order ACCUTANE without prescription, i think.

but -

if you'd sat me down six years ago and said:

the path you will walk won't be easy
no, it will in fact be incredibly hard
the most difficult thing you've ever done

but down that path, kjøpe ACCUTANE på nett, köpa ACCUTANE online, though it is quite far, Order ACCUTANE from United States pharmacy, and treacherous,
there is a new you
a better friendhusbandloverbrotherson
with more compassion and empathy
with a deeper sense of purpose
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you will love more strongly
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you will take care of the people in your life
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you will do all you can to create positive forces in your life and the lives of others. ACCUTANE FOR SALE, if you'd sat me down six years ago and said, in order to become the person you were meant to be, you'll have to go through hell. there will be blood, and pain, and sacrifice, and loss, but you will be alive, and you will be in love, and you will be loved:

would i have chosen to walk the path.
would i hesitate.
if i knew in no uncertain terms that the cancer would kill me, and soon, would i force the issue. would i ask modern medicine to prolong my life, and possibly prolong my suffering, and the attendant suffering of those i love and those who love me.

i would - though i understand and respect those who make the choice to live treatment-free for as long as they're able, ACCUTANE FOR SALE.

if you'd sat me down six years ago and said, in 2013 you will be a budding abstract painter, i would answered your survey by filling bubble number five, for strongly disagree.

but here i am, and here we are, and, to finish off this obnoxiously long and winding post, here is this:

you might remember that i entered a cancer art contest last year - though my submission ("hand in hand" - click to jog your memory) didn't win (a travesty!), it was still a valuable exercise, and i've had two requests so far to recreate it. today i delivered "hand in hand III," a gift to my excellent pain management doctor. i'd never worked on such a large scale before - the canvas is 48" x 60", 4 feet by 5 feet. i made sure to take some pictures before i brought it to the office (in a hired van, as it wouldn't come close to fitting through the subway turnstiles). see below and click to embiggen. i have another eight (!!) outstanding commissions.

i'm glad i chose new york.

hand in hand III

.

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March 7th, 2013

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but they are finite, buy cheap FLEXERIL no rx. BUY FLEXERIL NO PRESCRIPTION, terminal illness breaks down that fallacy. Cheap FLEXERIL no rx, it places our mortality in our hands and walks away, leaving us to stagger under the weight of our own fragility, get FLEXERIL, FLEXERIL reviews, our temporal nature, the uninfinity that is our existence, doses FLEXERIL work. FLEXERIL pics, and yet.

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CIPRO FOR SALE, hello, friends. i've missed you. CIPRO treatment, it's a remarkable testament to how greatly my health has improved that my three month check-up with my oncologist last week was so "grossly unremarkable" that i didn't even take the time to post, or even chat about it with my folks. my six month scan will be in may - that'll be a big one and won't go undocumented, CIPRO overnight.

and it's not the only news i've failed to mention. i've missed a whole mess of opportunities to celebrate the ones i love these past few weeks, CIPRO FOR SALE. CIPRO alternatives, my sister, my mom, my late grandfather, purchase CIPRO online no prescription, my loving wife (not to mention my uncle, About CIPRO, the spectacular ms. bacon and more) - all had birthdays, and each deserved their own post as to their extraordinariness, CIPRO for sale. it's impossible to measure the impact of these aquarians in my life. Buy CIPRO no prescription, as a self-absorbed leo, i've found myself from day one depending on a bevy of aquarii (aquariuses?) to keep me grounded, honest and in check, buy no prescription CIPRO online. CIPRO FOR SALE, they tell me the things i know deep down but am too proud to truly admit to myself. without their guidance, Online buy CIPRO without a prescription, i would be half the man i am today (and obviously re: my mom, i would be zero percent of anything). yes, CIPRO online cod, i am lucky to be alive - though this path of negotiating my illness is one i never would have chosen, CIPRO class, as i've explained many times, the greatest gift it has given me is the ability to truly and deeply acknowledge and understand how lucky i am that i am joined in life by so many strong, remarkable people, where can i find CIPRO online. my apologies for the mass, Buy CIPRO from mexico, "i love you all" message - it's the best i can do for the moment.

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title, part two: withdrawing back, cheap CIPRO. this past week has been one of the worst in recent memory, CIPRO from mexico, and for the first time in quite a while, it's not because i'm stuck in my head and/or depressed.

the bRAF inhibitor genetic treatment (aka zelboraf) that stopped my disease in its tracks had some pretty unpleasant side effects; most troubling was the debilitating joint pain, CIPRO no rx, which floated from hands to feet to neck to hips to ankles seemingly at random. back in 2011, a NY times article described the great promise of the drug, but it also told the story of a patient who "said the drug caused such extreme pain at one point that “I called in the children and said, ‘I’m done, I can’t do this any more.’ ”" i was there once, and after a particularly unpleasant experience with my first pain management specialist, i found a marvelous man by the name of dr, CIPRO FOR SALE. CIPRO photos, tim canty, who has since gone on to treat multiple melanoma patients dealing with the same crippling pain. it must have been about 18 months ago that he put me on exalgo, where to buy CIPRO, a new (and pricey) time-release pain medication that made a great difference to me, Rx free CIPRO, without many of the hazy, sedating effects of previous drugs i'd tried (methadone in particular). because it was a time-release capsule, buy generic CIPRO, the narcotizing effects were significantly diminished, Is CIPRO addictive, as was my inclination towards possible abuse.

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my body is in a place where the pain relief just isn't necessary any more - i'm stronger and healthier than i've been in a long time - but my goodness, i wish i'd had a bit more control over the process. i'll be awfully glad when i'm at full strength again.

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January 31st, 2013

PROZAC OVER THE COUNTER, has it really been so long since i've posted here. long-time readers may remember that when i drop off the map for a while, purchase PROZAC online, Purchase PROZAC, it's because i'm not doing so well. that's far from the truth this time, PROZAC mg. Doses PROZAC work, the reality is that i now (as of next week) have five families on my weekly roster. most of them require only a few hours a week, PROZAC from canadian pharmacy, PROZAC description, but it's all adding up, and, buy PROZAC online cod, PROZAC street price, as i expected, the regular short shifts extend to full days on a regular basis, PROZAC price. as much as i love working with kids, it is absolutely exhausting, and i've needed every bit of my down time to recover, PROZAC OVER THE COUNTER. Kjøpe PROZAC på nett, köpa PROZAC online, i think every day about what i could post, but honestly, PROZAC blogs, PROZAC without prescription, i'm closing in on some semblance of normalcy, and, order PROZAC from mexican pharmacy, PROZAC gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, well, normalcy lacks the intense drama of say, PROZAC brand name, PROZAC no prescription, fighting off a terminal illness. do you want to hear about how i was so tired at the end of my eight-hour day with a two-year-old that i melted my brain with a couple episodes of true blood, PROZAC wiki. After PROZAC, also i read some comics and checked the news about the impending super bowl (go niners!). oh, PROZAC dangers. PROZAC OVER THE COUNTER, and i did my laundry. Buy cheap PROZAC, what a crazy night, right, PROZAC images. PROZAC trusted pharmacy reviews, i apologize if any of you were concerned - as i said, i usually avoid posting when i get down on myself, PROZAC from mexico, PROZAC recreational, but that's not the case at all. i don't have time to feel down, PROZAC schedule, Effects of PROZAC, which is a dramatic change from the past few years. on top of my kid supervision, PROZAC description, Ordering PROZAC online, kathryn and i are switching apartments (within our present house, which we hope to never leave!) next week, is PROZAC addictive, PROZAC dose, and i'm moving my studio back home - given my scheduling constraints, i was having trouble getting down to the studio before my afternoon shifts with kids, no prescription PROZAC online. since the studio is a shared space, i have to set up and break down each time i come to work, which i don't mind so much but it makes it tough to get any momentum, and if, for instance, it's a monday and i only work with kids for a couple hours, i have to reset entirely if i return that evening, PROZAC OVER THE COUNTER. Buy PROZAC from canada, kathryn and i are going to set up our new space in a way that will allow her room to craft/sew/decoupage and for me to paint. i'm excited for the change, comprar en línea PROZAC, comprar PROZAC baratos, Buy PROZAC from mexico, as i have a ton of outstanding commissions that have fallen by the wayside as i tend to my flock.

also, PROZAC duration, i'm nearly two months into a course of twice-weekly personal training sessions at the expert hands of a former air force captain, an all-around excellent individual and a close friend. just to clarify, those are all the same person - some of you might remember jon from his HOO-AH. PROZAC OVER THE COUNTER, toast at our wedding (is that how you spell HOOAH. HUA?). it feels so good to be restoring my broken body to some semblance of its former strength.

given my bad habits of sleeping late and idling around the house (granted, habits that were latent but significantly worsened by cancer treatment, understandably i think), it's a joy to be up early with kathryn every morning, seeing the light cast across brooklyn from the east (how bizarre!!), discovering the awe-inspiring range of colors and smells that emanate from the gowanus canal (RIP gowanus dolphin!!), getting to enjoy the day rather than waking up late and feeling sorry for/angry with myself.

because i am SO done with treating myself like that.

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January 11th, 2013

ACCUTANE OVER THE COUNTER, i haven't posted as much recently, i know. it's not just that this public place to discuss my disease seems less relevant now that my disease is under control - and will hopefully remain so for a long, order ACCUTANE no prescription, Order ACCUTANE online c.o.d, long time. a few months ago, cheap ACCUTANE no rx, Generic ACCUTANE, i wasn't writing because i was in an awfully dark place, and it was difficult to share that, ACCUTANE without a prescription. ACCUTANE maximum dosage, this wasn't the only venue where that held true; i wouldn't return phone calls or emails and i felt more or less dead to the world. it sucked, where can i buy cheapest ACCUTANE online. it truly and completely sucked, and i didn't feel like i would ever be in a better place, ACCUTANE OVER THE COUNTER. Doses ACCUTANE work, but now i have a much better reason for not posting regularly. my schedule is now predominantly spent caring for young children, buy ACCUTANE online no prescription, Purchase ACCUTANE online, and i couldn't be happier. when i moved back to the bay after college, purchase ACCUTANE for sale, ACCUTANE australia, uk, us, usa, my godmother generously offered me a position as a full-time preschool teacher. i used to joke that my degree in political science was surprisingly relevant - conflict resolution, online buy ACCUTANE without a prescription, ACCUTANE samples, power dynamics and negotiation help greatly in successfully navigating the peaks and valleys of childcare. ACCUTANE OVER THE COUNTER, i helped to oversee the potty training of ten children (a fact which i still include on my professional resumé) and my urine-stained, poopy-smelling years with the kids were some of the happiest of my life - though the time was marred by my significant injuries after drunkenly stumbling off of a second story balcony. one day i threw my damaged back out while positioning mats for naptime, online buying ACCUTANE hcl, Fast shipping ACCUTANE, and the rest of the afternoon i was cared for by an army of preschool-aged nurses who brought me water and puzzles and books to read.

as i attempt a return to normalcy, ACCUTANE reviews, ACCUTANE for sale, i face the challenge of working with a body ravaged by surgery and treatment, one that will forever be immuno-compromised, ACCUTANE alternatives. ACCUTANE pics, no matter how diligently i care for myself, i'm going to get sick, ACCUTANE wiki. Herbal ACCUTANE, i'm going to have days where fatigue and weakness limit my abilities and choices. i could be hospitalized at any time, and i still have regular appointments even as my obligations to see my oncologist become less frequent, ACCUTANE OVER THE COUNTER. a full-time job would be difficult, australia, uk, us, usa, Cheap ACCUTANE, if not impossible, and i've spent very little of my professional life in that sort of setting, ACCUTANE trusted pharmacy reviews. ACCUTANE forum, just before christmas, i reached out to a handful of families letting them know i was available, ACCUTANE from canada. ACCUTANE no rx, and now i'm scheduled weekly with three families and a fourth in negotiation, with children aged two to eight, my ACCUTANE experience. Order ACCUTANE from mexican pharmacy, another joke i used while teaching preschool was that it gave me a chance to spend time with my emotional peers - while there are lots of ways i'm an old man (i play bridge, i enjoy scotch, buy ACCUTANE without a prescription, Buy cheap ACCUTANE no rx, i'm on social security, i own two canes), order ACCUTANE from United States pharmacy, Discount ACCUTANE, i like to think i'm still a child at heart. ACCUTANE OVER THE COUNTER, though i don't have professional training or a degree in early childhood education, i've always been comfortable with kids. i was raised by ministers and from an early age was surrounded by children of all ages, ACCUTANE long term, and at age nine was gifted a new sibling (happy accident number three!).

given the intensity of the last few years - this coming april it'll be five years since my diagnosis (what?!?) - it's such a gift to be able to spend time with kids again. their sense of wonder with the world, the joy of discovery, the simplicity of their world; their marvelous minds are a restorative balm for my weary soul.

so if i haven't posted in a while and you're wondering what i'm doing: i'm probably playing hide-and-seek.

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January 4th, 2013

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it's like the death card in the tarot deck - it doesn't mean that you're going to die tomorrow, DICLOFENAC without prescription. it's all about change, moving from one state to another, DICLOFENAC OVER THE COUNTER. DICLOFENAC online cod, that sort of growth doesn't come without pain and sacrifice, but with enough patience and determination, where can i order DICLOFENAC without prescription, Buy DICLOFENAC without prescription, transformation is achievable. the fields must be reaped before the seeds of next year can grow, taking DICLOFENAC. DICLOFENAC street price, after a difficult year (albeit one that *did* include, on an important personal level, DICLOFENAC from canadian pharmacy, DICLOFENAC pictures, my kicking cancer right in the groin) i'm feeling especially hopeful that my own demons have met their end.

and now it's time to move on, is DICLOFENAC safe. DICLOFENAC OVER THE COUNTER, i sat down ready to tell you all about christmas, but oops, death. Buy cheap DICLOFENAC, let me get back on point.

kathryn and i spent a marvelous week in minnesota with my family, get DICLOFENAC. Where can i cheapest DICLOFENAC online, my whole immediate family joined the fun, one sister with her husband and one sister sadly without her boyfriend, purchase DICLOFENAC online no prescription. DICLOFENAC brand name, we enjoyed a couple days in the twin cities, which gave us time to meet the two newest additions to my extended family (kaius and maya, buy no prescription DICLOFENAC online. they're adorable, obviously), DICLOFENAC OVER THE COUNTER. DICLOFENAC use, we also attended two of the five (five!) christmas eve services at unity church - it's always such a powerful experience to be in the embrace of the church community there. they're so loving and supportive of our whole family (and, DICLOFENAC blogs, DICLOFENAC price, as i'm well aware, are among my most dedicated readers), after DICLOFENAC. DICLOFENAC class, it was such a treat to see the new construction - they've made some dramatic changes to much of the church, and it looks and feels welcoming, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, Online buying DICLOFENAC, open and warm. i know many of you were deeply involved in the planning and development of the project, buy DICLOFENAC online cod, DICLOFENAC natural, and you should all be most proud. DICLOFENAC OVER THE COUNTER, our brief visit to unity also gave me time to deliver my recently completed commission for a member of unity. this painting was a struggle - my initial version wasn't right, buy generic DICLOFENAC, Buying DICLOFENAC online over the counter, as both the buyer and i agreed, and my changes to it didn't work either, DICLOFENAC overnight. DICLOFENAC canada, mexico, india, so i re-gessoed the canvas and started fresh, and the final product ended up being a complete departure from my first attempt, DICLOFENAC cost, DICLOFENAC steet value, and, ultimately, much more successful (at least *i* think so). the first draft is on the left; the last, "bohemian waxwing" is on the right. you can click to embiggen, though i apologize for the poor-ish quality - these will have to do until i have time to go through some of my pictures.

first draft     bohemian waxwing


my painting work has taken off recently, and i have a backlog of a half-dozen commissions that i'm itching to get started, DICLOFENAC OVER THE COUNTER. i'll be in the studio tomorrow, and i'm planning on spending some significant time next week putting together a website for my art. i'll be sure to post it here (and on facebook, and email it to everyone i know) once it's ready.

again, i've veered off topic. back to christmas. DICLOFENAC OVER THE COUNTER, after the pageantry of christmas eve (i have some adorable pictures of toddlers dressed as cherubs) we spent the morning exchanging gifts and wishing that my missing sister and her husband would show up from austin already - their flight that night was canceled and they ended up coming the morning after. still, i have no problem with multiple sessions of present-opening. over the past few years, it's become traditional for our family to try and give as much as possible that's created by hand (though, as hannah likes to point out, ipads are made by hands - unhappy hands, but hands nonetheless). jessie made a batch of gorgeous new stockings, mine adorned with poppies and a palette of paint, kathryn's with crafting supplies, along with holiday-themed loveliness. we traded pictures and art honoring the memory of our dearly departed dog maggie.

luckily the delays in our gathering together didn't prevent us from spending the rest of the week up north at our beloved cabin in the chippewa national forest, DICLOFENAC OVER THE COUNTER. it was cold - dipping below zero at night - but that didn't stop us from dashing to the hot tub each night. we ate like kings - roasted duck pizza, pulled pork, lots of bacon. we played games. we played music. we laughed. we watched old kevin kline movies on vhs. we walked on freshly fallen snow across a frozen lake.

it was perfect.

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December 25th, 2012

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December 20th, 2012

NASONEX FOR SALE, My new nanny-heavy schedule plus the craziness of the season has limited my posting. I have yet to finish my tale of the manatees, online buying NASONEX, Cheap NASONEX no rx, or address the Newtown tragedy - not that I would know where to begin wading into that sea of heartbreak, grief, purchase NASONEX online no prescription, About NASONEX, pain and anger.

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December 14th, 2012

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