when doctors ask to tell you how much it hurts, they expect an answer between one and ten.
![[Photo+18.jpg]](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/S3JYGwMXJwI/AAAAAAAABos/MQsKBVM5GOQ/s1600/Photo%2B18.jpg)
the folks at hyperbole and a half (a blog of, as they claim – and i am inclined to believe them – “indescribable awesomeness”) interpret this scale thusly:
0: Haha! I’m not wearing any pants!
2: Awesome! Someone just offered me a free hot dog!
4: Huh. I never knew that about giraffes.
6: I’m sorry about your cat, but can we talk about something else now? I’m bored.
8: The ice cream I bought barely has any cookie dough chunks in it. This is not what I expected and I am disappointed.
10: You hurt my feelings and now I’m crying!
the need for a new scale is more than evident; so, from the same source, comes a far more accurate pain interpretation scale.
0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don’t know why I’m even here.
1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.
2: I probably just need a Band Aid.
3: This is distressing. I don’t want this to be happening to me at all.
4: My pain is not fucking around.
5: Why is this happening to me??
6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.
7: I see Jesus coming for me and I’m scared.
8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.
9: I am almost definitely dying.
10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.
11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.
Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.
i’m trying to figure out which one i am right now… but i don’t see one with a shoulder monster. i suppose i would go with about a 6… my pain is indeed super legit right now. thanks hyperbole and a half for helping me rethink my pain!
