i’m still jetlagged, i think. but the scan yesterday knocked me out pretty good too.
there is so much to say about our trip out west. the music was amazing – my top five of the festival were dirty projectors, jonsi (of sigur ros), matt and kim, yo la tengo and the avett brothers, but fever ray, MGMT, jay-z, deerhunter, yeasayer, spoon, and atoms for peace (thom yorke and flea?!?) were also excellent. there were 80,000 people at coachella, crashing local cellular networks and personal neural networks alike: for example, this poor man.
after three days and long nights of music and mayhem, we managed to make it to joshua tree (yes, we listened to U2) and the antelope valley poppy reserve before fighting our way through the snowy, winding roads to yosemite.
yosemite gave us a cloudy striptease, revealing its majestic peaks and snow-covered meadows piece by piece. we were hoping to make it to the top of upper yosemite falls to spread a portion of my grandfather’s ashes, but the snow was so thick on the narrow trail that we stopped halfway up at columbia rock. the views weren’t quite as advertised – by the time we reached the rock, the snow was falling so thick that the valley floor was barely visible, much less the towering granite spires surrounding the valley. but we soldiered on along the valley floor trail, where i looked a coyote in the eyes and watched as the clouds floated in and around the high rock walls around us. i’m grateful we decided at the last minute to upgrade our tent cabin to one with insulation and heating. what a contrast, to go in 24 hours from 95 degrees to 25 degrees.
and now we are home, back in lovely brooklyn, and today is my least favorite day – the day between my scan and receiving the results. this is a big one. if the scan is clean, my doctors will declare me in remission. as i’ve said before, remission from my aggressive and widely metastasized disease is likely not the end of this – although it would obviously be wonderful if that were the case. i’ve spent the day so far worrying and thinking about “life after cancer.” i don’t think for me that there is a life after cancer – there is only a life with cancer.
and the new york times happens to be reflecting on just that topic. check out this powerful photo collage of some of the 12 million (!!!) american cancer survivors.