here’s a funny story: today i went up to hell’s kitchen to a bar where i’ve been working a happy hour shift recently, but it turned out i had the schedule wrong. oops! luckily some marines were on their way to veteran’s night at the colbert report and showed me a good time.

as you can see.

really, though, i’m not concerning myself with it too much. i have bigger things to worry about.

for instance, the art of arguing with an ibex. this might be the funniest thing i’ve ever seen on the internet.

I have one more appointment, an eye exam, before we can move forward with the trial. It’s geared up to start on Monday – I haven’t heard anything about my scan and blood test results but hopefully I will soon.

Did you see the article about how psilocybin eases the anxiety of cancer? I’m mobile and can’t link it up but see if you can find it. Intriguing stuff.

and now, here’s a special guest post from kathryn! please help her out if you can.

Dear Friends and Family,

This past January, I submitted a dance piece I had choreographed to the Winter Follies program at Spoke the Hub, a local Brooklyn arts space. Audience members had the chance to vote for their favorite piece and amazingly, I won! I was awarded 50 free hours of rehearsal space as well as a produced weekend in the fall. I have been working all summer to choreograph my first full evening of work and I am very excited to present it to everyone.

As lucky as I am to have been awarded such a generous amount of resources, I still have some expenses that I need to cover. I have 7 very generous dancers and a composer who have been offering their time, energy, and extensive creative talent to me since June and I would love to be able to pay them!

Here is where you come in! I need to raise approximately $1000 to cover costs for dancers, costumes, and extra rehearsal space. If you have an extra $5, $10, $50, $500 lying around and would like to make a donation to keeping the arts alive and well (at least in this household), please consider making a contribution to my project. You can donate through PayPal tobosley07@aol.com. Or if you like old-fashioned mail, you can send a check to:

Kathryn Wilkening

287 Sackett Street

Brooklyn, NY 11231

Would you like to know what you are supporting? Here is a little more information about the show (and a good opportunity to go mark this date in your calendar!)

Kathryn Wilkening and Dancers [KWAD] Presents Metamorphopolis

Metamorphopolis explores the transformative journeys we take as individuals, as friends, and as communities. Through a series of comic and poignant character-driven vignettes, the piece explores how time and circumstance can fulfill one’s imaginings, smash them to pieces, or alter them in unexpected and rewarding ways. The piece features original compositions by Amir Khosrowpour; Doug Wilkening and Josh Summerville; and Kathryn Wilkening and Jonah Eller-Isaacs as well the music of Andrew Bird, Yo La Tengo, LCD Soundsystem, and Mrs. Elva Miller. Dancers include: Davis Berry, Dana Boll, Graceann Dorse, Renee Dumouchel, Tamara Saari, Nancy Smith, Jason Sosnowski, and Kathryn Wilkening.

Oct 15 and 16, 8 pm, $15

Spoke the Hub

295 Douglass Street, Brooklyn, NY

I hope you all can come!

Warmly,

Kathryn

The screening tests for the trial will take a couple weeks, so it’s looking like I’ll start Monday the 13th. I’ll be on the drug indefinitely as long as the side effects are manageable – they’re not supposed to be so bad.

The first of the tests for the trial start today – I’m waiting for an echocardiogram. Six hours so today at the doctor… It’s going to be a long week

you probably don’t have a google alert for melanoma, but the BRAF trial drug (a varietal of which i’ll gear up for on monday) is everywhere in the news right now. one story said that it’s “the most important breakthrough in melanoma, ever.” it’s hard to believe that this is the best we have – BRAF drugs have not proven to be a permanent solution, and in most cases offer six months to a year of disease-free progression. but hey – i’ll take it.

the other big melanoma news is the new showtime series the big C, which stars laura linney as a stage IV melanoma patient who chooses to hide the disease from her family and friends. i finally had a chance to watch the show while out in california. it’s remarkable that the producers/writers of the show are able to glean so much humor out of trauma.

but enough about that! here are pictures from the wedding this weekend in soda springs. friends and location both confirmed as gorgeous! the bride and i went to both high school and college together, and since my diagnosis she’s been an amazing friend, sending me care packages that i treasure to this day. it was such a treat to be able to celebrate with her and our wonderful group of friends. tagged pics are available on facebook!

the wedding was so amazing! i have lots and lots of pictures that i would love to share with you. i managed to keep my shirt on for the entire weekend, even through the enormous group bollywood production! there’s video of that but no one has put it online yet. i hope it comes out soon!

i’m heading back into a whirlwind – on monday i’m meeting with both my oncologist to start the trial screening process and with the doctor that will be setting up my long term hepatitis C treatment. there’s a good chance that i’ll be going through both simultaneously, which sounds horrendous, but i’m trying not to jump the gun on worrying until i know the full details.

by the way, since i haven’t had a chance to post much about the kayaking trip, here’s a little taste. we saw a double rainbow! it was like this:

i’m staying with my grandmother for the first time since my grandfather’s memorial service. we all miss him still, my grandmother obviously most of all. she’s living alone for the first time in her life. and everywhere she turns in their sprawling condo is him. the pictures, the books, even the mugs that say “#1 grandpa.” i can’t imagine the pain, the loneliness that she is confronting right now.

at kayaking camp, we talked about what cancer has taught us, the lessons learned on a path not a single one of us would choose. i talked about a new understanding of pain, and a new level of empathy. i used to be terrified of pain, lost and uncomfortable in hospitals, distant when confronted with loss. not so any longer. yesterday i guided my grandmother through a minor medical procedure and found myself totally at ease manipulating the stacks of paperwork, the layers of caregivers, the administrative systems. i can’t imagine her trying to manage a day like this on her own. her grief is palpable. it tinges every moment of her day, gives her pause, and i know she struggles to find courage. it’s hard to be so far away as she goes through this.

many of you know my grandmother well, and are much closer geographically to her than i. i also know that being present with grief and loss is difficult. but please, if you can, give her a call some time, come out for a visit. it would mean a lot to me, and to her.